more Sophie pics...2 weeks old

Ummmmmm...The only part of my daughter that takes after me.... BIG FEET. This is her on the day of her one week appointment to the doctor's office. We are trying tummy time. You see how stimulating it is for Sophie....zzzzz

Pacifiers are yummy...at least those vanilla smelling ones from the hospital. She usually doesn't take one, but will to appease mommy if she needs a nursing reprieve for 5 minutes.

How do I control this neck?????

"OK mummy, you want them to see my eyes??? HERE!....now can you PLEASE stop with that flashy thing?????" Folks, as much as I'd love those eyes to be blue, they are already so dark I think we are looking at a brown eyed girl! They are presently a beautiful slate gray/midnight blue.

Jason's changing table. He made it from plans he found on line. Bought the oak green from a lumber yard. Dried it, plained it, etc....and here's the final product! Yes, my hubby rocks.

The "mad-eye moony milk coma" Sometimes her left eye is wide open...even when she is asleep!

We are loving being parents, even though mummy and daddy will probably kill eachother if they both are off work and home for much longer! hahaha just kiddin! Jason has been a great help with manly things and the occasional diaper. Mummy is looking forward to times when a bottle can be given! I feel like I'm home bound! We hope you enjoy checking out our little one! By the way, Sophie gained A POUND in a week! She's seven pounds, 14 ounces this week. She's filling out nicely! Breastmilk is magic!!!

A break from the hospital story

I sat on my couch the other day, struggling with nursing, exhausted and barely making it through the day. I was listening to the music stations on our Dish on demand.... "coffee shop cafe" or something like that. On came the following song. I wept, and continue to, everytime I hear it now. It's amazing how something you have heard a million times changes its meaning profoundly after parenthood....especially being Sophie's parent.

Wonder
Natalie Merchant
Album:
Tigerlily

Doctors have come from distants cities, just to see me
Stand over my bed, disbelieving what they're seeing

1-They say I must be one of the wonders
Of God's own creation
And as far as they see, they can offer
No explanation

Newspapers ask intimate questions, want confessions
They reach into my head to steal, the glory of my story
(repeat 1)

Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled
And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience, and with faith
She'll make her way, she'll make her way

People see me I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads how I confound you
And astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders(rpt...1)

Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled
And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way, she'll make her way

Enough said...Much love to all of you who keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
Heidi

Well, for those of you reading this, you know why I'm typing it...but let me explain none the less...We've been asked to document our experience. I figure if I type it here first, I will be able to put info in simple terms.

On to the doctor...Well, like I said, I argued (more in my head than out loud). Tisha said I spoke in short grunted sentences. I said, Can't you do a half dose??? I can really feel this....I can't keep going, I need help Please!!! "The epidural doesn't wear off for 2 hours...you're just fine." " NO! I can feel it!!! It hurts, please!!!" (here's where my sober brain kicks in...if the anesthesiologist had to sprint down earlier in the evening to get it back on track, it takes less than 2 hours to wear off...I had already experienced wear off and know exactly what it felt like) After telling him I could feel everything, he decides to push the resident out of the way and have a look himself. (mind you, my labor was in my back, so my pain was in my back and tailbone....not where the sun don't shine) I could even move my legs and everything on the epidural....so I was only lightly dosed to begin with.

If you are of weak substance, don't read the next part. WAY TOO PERSONAL...but the truth. So, Dr. A. decides to give me a vaginal exam. He "shoves" (jason's wording) his whole hand in there and says, "Well, do you feel THIS???" wiggle, poke wiggle...."no?" "How about THIS???" poke, fist, poke.... With an air of sarcasm only someone who thinks they are God can muster up. He continues this for a minute. I did not have pain in that area, that wasn't the problem, it was the back labor pain that I was feeling... The nurses/resident knew this, Hell, everyone knew this exept the attending.

NOW....I did not remember this part, only vaguely, but Jason never mentioned it until we met with the patient advocate, then he told the story just once, with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. He described it as "fisting his wife" and that it took all he could do not to jump across the table and strangle that doctor. His exact words were, "She may have been his patient, but she's MY wife." I really feel this experience was as hard on him as it was on me.

That's why I didn't have any more epidural, because I could not feel a Dr. A's disgusting attempt to prove a point.

We also have many reports of Dr. A saying things to the resident like, "When are YOU going to get this overwith???" "Are you going to let this baby go tachachardic before you deliver???" "Hurry up and give her an episiotomy." "That's not enough, here, I'll do it"....Slice and dice. I ended up with a "second degree" episiotomy. The nurses did say afterwords that that was the right thing to do. I do know that Tisha, my sister grabbed Dr. A by the arm at one point and pulled him away from me with some force and said, "DO YOU NOT THINK MY SISTER CAN HERE YOU??? DO YOU NOT THINK SHE IS INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO KNOW WORDS LIKE TACKACHARDIC?????? He was taken aback, but I don't know what the result is. I just know he was barking into the ear of the resident to the point where I was sure she was going to cry. I remember talking to her between contractions about her wedding the following week and how excited she must be because I thought she might need calmed down. Funny, huh...leave it to me to have to calm down the doctor in my own delivery.

Well, eventually Sophie came and Dr. A disappeared from my radar. A nurse that helped with delivery came in to my room a day or two later and said that I was the strongest woman she'd seen in a long time. "I can't believe you did that. You are the best pusher I've ever seen and it took a hell of a woman to deliver a baby in that position that way." She also was the one in the delivery room that said, "God, private practice sure does RUIN these doctors." After delivery when I said, "Why didn't he just back off of the epidural, why did he have to cut it off cold turkey??" She said, "You know what honey, your absolutely right. He did not have to act the way he did."

So, I wasn't crazy....other people saw what I saw. If you want to know his real name, to avoid him in the future...I'd be HAPPY to tell you!!!! This is why I will make a point to KNOW the doctor that will deliver my next baby. There's something to be said for knowing someone and how you treat them. I was just a body on a table to these people. By the way, when I went for my follow up appointment with the nurse practioner I had seen prenatally (I LOVE HER). A tech came in to see the baby. She asked who delivered Sophie. I told her the Doctor's name and that it was not a good experience for me. She said, "Your not going to believe this, but you are not the first woman in here this week to say that! Another mommy was really upset a day or two ago about her delivery experience with him. I'm so surprised, he was a really good resident when he was here."

Oh yeah, also....my follow up appointment. Due to the episiotomy and the wear and tear Sophie's delivery had on my body....I was to have a follow up in one week. This follow up was specifically for the fact that, due to physical and emotional stress, I developed preclampsia post birth. My blood pressure was dangerously high. Dr. A wrote on my discharge papers that HE would contact the POC clinic to schedule a follow up within a week and they would call me with an appointment time. Well, when Sophie's one week appointment came and I still hadn't heard from them, I popped over to the POC(physician's office center) to ask when my appointment was. The receptionist said, "OH, we didn't even know you delivered!!" You see, Dr. A was too busy to make sure I didn't stroke out post birth. He never did his follow up. I scheduled my own appointment and had it taken care of before they got the paperwork.

Ruby experience: Part one, the labor

So, I show up at Ruby in the ER, because that's just what you do there. After a few minutes of waiting, a tech comes to take me to the Labor and Delivery floor. I declined the wheel chair and preferred to walk.

We get to the L and D floor and I walk in, baby bag in hand (jason was parking the truck). I walk on the floor and they say, "Why are you here?" I said, uhhh LABOR, with contractions about 6 minutes apart. "Oh" the check in nurse says....and she puts me in what is called the "trauma" or "triage" room.....and she left. The next person to come in was Jason, hauling my overnight bag in tow. We wait, and wait some more. Then, a lady comes in and takes my vitals, gives me a hospital gown, hooks me up to a fetal monitor and leaves again. We waited about 20 minutes, then the doc who ended up delivering Sophie comes in to do a "check". She was kind of straight laced, young and not a conversationalist. Also, not the most gentle gyno exam I've ever had. I yelped when she put her hands where the sun don't shine! She then says, "oh, sorry this may hurt a little". NO KIDDING a warning BEFORE the probing could be helpful. I also went through the saga of Sophie's condition and let them know she was high risk.

I was 4 centimeters dialated and having back contractions....She left to check me in, and to get the attending. (she was a resident) After 20 more minutes, the attending strolls in and says, "what's going on in here..." or something like that... I say, "I'm in labor?????" Isn't that why you show up at a hospital when you are pregnant? I had updated the resident with Sophie's condition, but apparently this guy hadn't read or briefed with her, because I had to go through the whole saga again with him. He was a cocky "football player" type with the sarcastic look down pat.

He left, I waited some more, then the most adorable little doctor (resident) came in with the last name of Garrett-something. She was wonderful and did a quick check for dialation...very gently, and then said, "I'm getting you in line for an epidural. It may take a while, but we'll see what we can do!" and like magic...she comes back and says, let's get you in a room, the anesthesiologist is able to get you in! We were whisked to the beautiful delivery room you see in the pic and about an hour later, the epidural god came in!! His first name was "Debebe", pronounced "da baby". In my pregnant state, I got a kick out of that. He was indeed a GOD!!!!

So I'm laying in that room, epidural on board, waiting for nature to take it's course....and waiting...watching Harry Potter on the TV and waiting......hoping the sweet doc delivers Sophie....and waiting.....I hear the nurses talking about the crazy night ensuing outside. Lots of deliveries, but I'm still waiting.

Then one of the docs decide to speed things along by breaking my water. They do that and we wait some more..... up to 6 centimeters, 6 1/2.....wait some more......my contractions were coming, but not in a regular pattern. They decide to give me petosin to regulate the contractions. What that did was to make my contracting do something called clustering. That is when the contractions never come down. They wave in groups of 2 or 3, with no break or let down. I'm starting to feel pretty crappy, and realizing there is something beeping in the room randomly. The nurses and I figure out its the epidural machine. It had tripped and stopped dosing me. OUCH! NO wonder I was feeling pretty yucky. There is a special code on those machines that only the anesthesiolgists know. Once they realize what's happening, they try and call him....no luck....they can't get through. I start whimpering, they seem more worried. I beg them to try again...the nurse writes the number on her scrubs to continue to call....no luck. Contractions are getting intense....no drugs....FINALLY, someone gets through to the epidural God, and he comes sprinting in, literally sweating, and punches a code into the machine. I hear the nurses figuring out how to get that code....someone memorizes it....or writes it down while the epidural God does his magic and finally I receive a super shot of "catch up" epidural.

Write after that, it's pushing time. I had started to push before, but the nurses had held back a bit until the epidural was back on board. UNFORTUNATELY, the big dose of drugs caused me to slack in the push department. Right then, the attending, I refer to as "asshole", comes in and observes the pushing process. "You aren't doing this right". "These pushes aren't good". "Come on"....."you are too drugged." "Shut off the epidural, so she can get this underway..." etc.... What a cheerleader he was. Meanwhile, he is riding the resident who is working my delivery. I beg him to leave the epidural on, trying to explain what happened and tell him I was pushing well earlier! He wouldn't hear me, or the nurses, or the resident. "shut it off!" He whisks out of the room and everyone rolls their eyes. I say, "I will NEVER have a man doc again after this!" Everyone giggles and we get back to business.

I'll continue part 2 of my run in with "Dr. Asshole" in another blog. Sophie girl is protesting right now!!! Feed time baby!

Heidi

Conservative optimism

Well, we had the big appt. with Dr. Collins, the neurosurgeon. He is a brilliant man, very slow talker, and can't finish a sentence to save his life! I think his mind must be filled with so much knowledge he can't function to get the info out in the open! Hahaha

Well, he is also the eternal optimist. It was nice to hear someone in charge of Sophie's care being in that mind frame. Here's the results of the conversation:

SOPHIE DOES NOT HAVE THE CMV VIRUS!!!!!!! This is awesome news, because the prognosis would be very hard if this was the case.

Sophie has an un-named condition, which is why it was diagnosed as so many other things. We are now down to a simple definition: She has a"moderately enlarged right ventricle" with what they believe has a blockage, not allowing it to drain normally. In Hydrocephalus, both the right and left ventricle would be enlarged, but Sophie's head only has one side grossly enlarged, the other is only minorly enlarged. If you can picture butterfly wings, that's what the right and left ventricles look like when they are enlarged. Now, picture a butterfly with one wing bigger and one smaller....that's Sophie. When we got to look at the MRI today (for the first time since she was born I might add) we got to really see what they are looking at. It turns out she DOES have pressure build up in there, but it is localized within the head. She has a slight enlargement on the outside, which is causing a bit of asymmetry, but she has that anyways because of the delivery pressure. She also favors that side of her head. Those of you who met her might have seen her slight tilt to the right. The doc says it will go down when the pressure is relieved. The good news about the pressure....pressure equals brain!!! Lots of it in the MRI images. YES!!!!!! Now, the frustrating news is that pressure is pushing on her brain right now, but because her head isn't sutured together yet, that is a managable situation for her body to handle.

Solution to her condition: Brain surgery. This won't happen right away. They want us to get her a bit older and stronger before we put her in such a precarious situation.

Again, we are monitoring CLOSELY and hoping we can get some weight and age on her before they decide to perform the surgery. By the way, it is an endoscopic surgery where they will go in, poke a hole in the membrane between the two ventricles, allowing the right one to drain into the left one. This will cause a balance of fluid in there. Also, the drainage is happening on the left side, so they hope that this puncture will cause both to slowly drain into the 3rd ventricle and out of her head. They will then be able to see the amount of brain matter, the deficits, if any and will monitor if the brain will repair itself. Dr. Collins seems to think she will have a bit of developmental delay (about 3 months worth) if all goes well. That's why she is already enrolled in the birth to 3 program. This can be compensated with a little bit of work!

Wrap up: The story keeps improving and we are thrilled. We are by no means out of the woods yet, but we are hopeful that the influence of her condition will be temporary, and not permanent damage. Her daddy is already madly in love with her and gets fiercely protective of her. (today he scolded a woman because she cut her car in front of us while we were crossing the road) Also, tends to cover her all up when in public, for fear she will catch germs! He built a gorgeous oak changing table and engraved it "to Sophie from Daddy"....What a great guy!!! Oh yeah, and I kinda like her too, WHEN SHE IS NOT BITING MY NIPPLES OFF!! Sorry, tmi...but true...so very true!!!!

keep the thoughts and prayers coming!!! They seem to be doing the trick!!!!!

Much love!
Heidi

Hello baby!

Welcome Home Our Sophie Girl!

Sorry so long for the update, Here's why:
See her stats below:

The day before she arrived!
The minute after she did! Yes, that'd be me in delirious pain...and incredible joy....and complete exhaustion
Being checked by the neo natal group. Sophie had some trouble breathing due to merconium(sp) in the lungs (that little pooper) and was put in NICU for about 3 hours... but was let out shortly after

My husband, could you want anything more...

Sophie Grace Lucas

Born: July 7th, 2008 at 12:34 am

Weight: 7 lbs, 9 ozs

Height: 21 inches

Sophie got jaundus(sp?) due to the bruising on her noggin from delivery pressure....here's her cool sun tan "billy lamp" pic!

Delivery: 22 HOURS, 3 HOURS OF PUSHING, NO EPIDURAL FOR PUSHING (Stupid attending doctor....I"ll write about THAT later) Ohhh, did I mention she was a transverse delivery?...that means sunny side up for those of you who have taken birth class.

Mom: delirious, exhausted, sore, happy and content.

Sophie's condition: Baffling....She's a beauty on the outside, testing normally on all levels of hearing, sight, reflexes...APGAR, etc....She does have a bit of "cone head" syndrome due to the amount of pushing. She scored perfect on her development scale at the hospital....On the inside, things look scary, severe and a bit overwhelming! The doctors are going at her full force. She has a team of specialists who are working on a plan of action:

Dr. Clawges, her pediatrician

Dr. Collins, Pediatric Neurosurgeon, the only one in the state.

Dr. Maggie Janes, head of pediatric developmental neurology

Dr. Carson, neurosurgeon who is also involved in the discussions.

Daddy's girl!!!

I will update the "Ruby Experience" when I am in a better mind frame. It was NOT a pleasant experience for mommy and daddy. I believe that Sophie was in the perfect place, however Mommy was not. Look for an update later about that.

Our little "Sophie Girl" as daddy and mommy have started calling her. Wide eyed and ready for the world!

Independance Day????

Awww Shucks! Those of you who bid on the 4th......nada. I guess she didn't want her independance THAT bad! I did everything I could think of!! AND I ate like a pig at Jason's family gathering! Hot dogs, potato salad, brownies, etc....

I feel great today! I think it has something to do with the fact that my sister and my husband (and me too, a little) nuked our house. I mean.....WHAMMO! Floors have been scrubbed, bathroom bleached, shelves organized, front room cleaned, fans wiped down, Music 31 notes thrown out (yes, I still had them..and so much more), baby area set up, all her stuff unpacked and waiting for the changing table, bag by the door, pump by the door, dishes done, spare room cleaned up, and I could go on and on and on...... All I need to do today is windows, dust, and vacuum in our living room.

I was so HAPPY that Tisha had the power to guilt my hubby into helping her that i got up this morning and made HIM breakfast in bed. Even his favorites. I get the angel wings today!!!

Now, the funny thing is this: Why can I beg, plead, pout, cry, guilt and every other imaginable thing I could do to get hubby to help with the house with no result, but my sister can come in, start asking him to do this and that, and he JUMPS to it. (not the whole time, but definitely the second day). In fact, his day yesterday was doing whatever my sister asked, but making nasty comments to me the whole time. If I chimed in about anything, he'd say, "All RIGHT Heidi, whatever you say...". Things like that..... What the "darling" grump didn't realize is this: SISTERS PLOT!!!!! Everything she asked him to do, I had told her the night before. When it was my idea, it was dumb....when it was Tisha's idea, GREAT!!!! I got EVERYTHING I wanted!!!

WAhhhhhh Haaaaaahhhh Haaaaaaa (insert evil laugh!!!)

It was great having someone come in my house who knows my organizational challenges. Tish really helped me through it!!!! She gets the wings, the halo and the free oops pass to heaven!!!!! Yeah Aunt Tisha!!!!!!

Labor?????

OK, so the sis came and helped me clean like a mad woman last night. We were up until 2am. Now, before you get excited about my "sudden burst of energy". No, I didn't have one! I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep because I had napped on and off all day. Tish had the burst of energy. She did all the chemical/scrubby/lifting/organizing chores I've not been able to do these last few weeks(months). \

I do have to toot my own horn and say that I have been the sole doer of the dishes, laundry, thank you cards, and baby organization though. So, although I am a woman of leisure these days, I'm no wilting flower!

I woke up at least 3 times last night with the feeling of my "monthly friend" coming to visit. Achy, sore, cramps, no position of comfort.....etc. When I finally woke up for real, I promptly took a shower and ate a bowl of healthy cereal. I tend to shower 2 times a day now, for fear that I'll have to go to the hospital and I'll be all dirty and yucky. I've had none of that pesky cramping since I got up and moved around. I have felt a general soreness though.

Now the question is this: Are my muscles just fatigued from last night's cleaning session and are throwing in the towel? OR are these signs of labor? One may never know....At least that's how it feels from this end!

Our latest appt.

Got to see a new doctor on Tuesday. Dr. Toffel... I've heard good things about him and he is the doctor a friend of mine used for artificial insemenation. She loved him! He's pretty nice and laid back from what I can tell. Here's how the appointment went:

Went in to do the ultrasound fetal development test. In this exam, I'm ultrasounded for a half hour. Within that half hour, the little "brat" (I'll explain later) has to move 10 times that are visible and practice breathing for 30 seconds in a row. After this part of the exam, they take me to the "non stress test" room and I'm hooked up to this handy device that monitors her resting and active heart rate/pulse/fetal movement/contractions. You see these on TV alot. It consists of strapping two belts around your belly and putting round little monitors on there to keep track of things. These two tests together have scoring. Total points are 8. She 8's it every visit! Yeah!!!!!

Now for the brat thing, she tends to be a little prankster with the ultrasound tech, Heather. She refuses to breathe for her. I mean, it's almost humorous at this point. Heather keeps saying, "Come on Baby!!" and poking my tummy. NOTHING. Sophie waits, and I mean EVERY TIME, waits until 29 minutes and 30 seconds, and then she practice breathes perfectly for 30 seconds. Almost to say, listen lady....I"m in charge here! Poor Heather has been through this over and over again. (at least 5 times) She will tell the other techs, "This baby hates me!!" Finally, I see this look of frustration on her face when I start to walk into the room.....as if Heather is saying, oh no....you again!!! (She's a real sweet lady and VERY good at what she does. I feel like we are friends at this point)

Well, after this last bout of holding off on the breathing.....when she was finally done with her 30 seconds, Heather blurted out, "WELL, THAT LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!".....It was spontaneous and funny! Even techs get the "bad teacher moment".

After this portion of the exam, I met with Dr. Toffel. He, not knowing me at all, was reading my epic saga of a chart! (trying to)....He's an "out-loud" processor, so he was saying dates, figures and facts out loud. So, I hear him say, "The date of your last period is October 10th". I interrupted, "no, I've told the doctors this before......That is the conception date! The date of my last period is Sept. 29th". (TMI sorry, but relevant) I also told him that when I brought it up at my last doctor's office, they said if it is within 2 weeks, they won't change it and their date matches what they've seen on the ultrasound.

Dr. Toffel says quietly after writing a bunch of numbers on a piece of paper adding up my days of pregnancy (he used old fashioned math and had to carry over etc...all out loud! too funny), "Do you mind if we do a pelvic just to take a look then?" My fundal height measured 39...that's full term size. For those of you who don't know what fundal height is, they measured my belly on the outside. Then he did the exam.....OUCH!!!!! Didn't enjoy that! He says "Well, you are 100% effaced and 1-2 centimeters dialated." No labor yet, though.... I ask him, "So, give me your best estimate here!!! IF you had to make a prediction, when would it be??????" he says, "Not sure, but I'd guess within a week." YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Now, that being said, my mom walked around like this for a week or two before I came... She often never knew she was in labor, and in fact, had my sister on the front stairs of our old house because she waited too long. This news has sent Jason into panic (not out loud) mode. He called 3 times yesterday to ask if I needed him to come home. This morning after the alarm went off I hear him on the phone. He called off! He says to me, "I think I should stay home with you today." (I think someone needed an extra long 4th of July weekend!) He's been funny the last 12 hours or so....all of a sudden touching my tummy and rubbing my back. He still hasn't finished the changing table and it is driving him crazy.....Only drawers and staining left. He made the whole thing from Oak and we'll be lucky if 4 grown men can carry the thing into the house!

So, these are the days of our lives!